My ENTIRE reaction to reading MTMTE
YOU, yes YOU get to experience my specific flavour of autism. All laid out for my, and hopefully your, enjoyment.
I wrote notes while originally reading MTMTE back in December 2025. Now they are here for all to see. They appear exactly as they were originally written, except for a few corrections on spelling mistakes here and there. Also if you read my "First thoughts on MTMTE" you'll probably recognize the first couple of notes.
Some notes have annotations from me looking back on them in the form of dropdowns. (look at the arrow to the left of this paragraph)
Like this
Huge spoilers for MTMTE, for obvious reasons
First Impressions
Ultra Magnus is definitely autistic.
Extremely solid start already
I’m not gonna explain terms here like I usually do because there’s so much interconnected information from various continuities and media required to properly understand what I’m talking about.
I was unsure about wether or not empurata as a concept exists in MTMTE, but I noticed Whirl’s unique lack of hands and his singular eye very early on. Turns out I was right on the money about that one. Glad to know that I am remembering my TF lore properly.
This series is amazingly good so far.
It’s very fun to guess which characters you know already may appear and such. Was wondering if Tarn was gonna show up soon. Then I started reading issue 7 and was greeted by this handsome fella:
Which is awesome enough on it’s own.
Shockwave and Whirl are the only victims of Empurata I personally know of. There’s definitely more.
Following the the Lost Light and its passengers is interesting enough on its own, but getting to see what the Decepticons are doing now that the war is over? I’m so excited!
Update:
Seeing old Cybertron and the origins and such is something I haven’t done much before and it’s very interesting.
The worldbuilding in MTMTE is genuinely brilliant. You get such a sense of scale and how much time has passed. How the war has shaped the people and places. Part of this is obviously that IDW comics started way before MTMTE which then gets to build off of that, but it still requires a whole lot of skill to bring that to fruition. The politics are so well thought out and there’s a lot of nuance to be found. Some of the decepticons we meet act like normal people while others are the crazed zealots we often come to remember. Their evil rarely ever feels cartoonish, except for when it’s obviously played for laughs. The autobots vary in commitment to the cause and it’s very intriguing to see how the autobots and decepticons ultimately wanted to do the same thing at first, but like many other political movements, extremism took reign and a war started. Still, it’s clear from the start that this didn’t happen overnight. People went about their lives as usual while the systems they lived in crumbled around them. Sure, there were turning points, monumental ones, but it’s handled with a lot of grace.
I really appreciate that.
This is not just Transformers at its absolute best, it’s science-fiction at its best.
A VERY bold claim but I still get it honestly
What strikes me the most about the characterisations is the sheer humanity of it all, ironically. The bots we see feel like real people with lots of lived experience.
It’s at times like this I remind myself of the value good writing has. As someone aspiring to be a better writer. I may rant a lot here and my best work really isn’t to be found here, but it’s nice to get the words out either way instead of having them continue to ricochet inside my brain.
Issue 11
SENATOR SHOCKWAVE? Okay what did he actually do that upset the senate so much.
Issue 14
MEGATRON’S HEAD SHAPE IS A HELMET??? HUH????
This honestly still vexes me. It looks so cursed.
He also has the original barbed wire pattern on his chest!
I love seeing Megatron here.
It’s cool to know that they previously thought Megatron was dead but now know he isn’t. Was unsure about that. How did they find out, though?
CHROMEDOME IS HERE? OPERATING ON SHOCKWAVE? AND STARSCREAM IS ALSO HERE? I LOVE THIS ISSUE.
Shockwave looks superb here. His head details are quite pronounced while the rest of him sticks to G1’s design. Starscream is also really really good. The proportions on them are so good.
Chromedome performed lobotomies and shadowplay at The Institute? Holy shit that is awful.
In addition, Rewind doesn’t know. That’s sure to make Chromedome uneasy.
And he attacked prowl? Yeah I get why but it’s pretty fucked up.
Wow. Being trapped inside someone else’s head is truly terrifying. Literal psychological horror.
Did I mention that I love this issue?
Issue 15
Tarn got injected with that special substance? Makes a lot of sense, honestly.
ULTRA MAGNUS AND REWIND??? NOOOO
I do respect that they are willing to kill characters. It adds real stakes
I barely have any words to express the sincerity and harrowing nature of Issue #15. Chromedome covers up his tracks. It makes sense.
Issue 16
Rewind’s message through clips he had stored is immensely emotional. Chromedome used up all of his innermost energon because he GAVE it to people, but he won’t truly face it because he is so afraid.
I can only imagine how haunted he feels.
Issue 19
Ultra Magnus is a construct? I wonder how much of his behaviour was real, of his own voluition, and how much was pretending to be the original Ultra Magnus. Ambus does say that he aspires to be like Magnus, and he is sad to lose that identity, so it isn’t all bad it seems.
Tyrest feels guilt yet refuses to change.
Issue 20
OPTIMUS IS ALIVE??
Soundwave and Starscream still exist? And Starscream calls out to MEGATRON?
“Why isn’t it working? What have I missed? Of course. The semicolon!” Relatable
I swear they dissappear by themselves
Issue 21
Tailgate’s death was strangely beautiful.
NEVERMIND... Cyclonus transfered his lifeforce to Tailgate when he pierced his blade through his dying friend’s chest. Wow.
Issue 23
Was confused by the art style change. Then I realised that this is some kind of crossover. Wonder what heinous things Shockwave will do this time around
I wonder why Optimus is calling himself Orion Pax again
Excited to see more incompetent Starscream antics
I don’t like that he’s red with those piss-yellow accents. What did they DO TO HIM
Hmm…“Optimu” is crossed out in the backround, so the name change is definitely something Orion Pax is adamant about
So… Galvatron is completely separate from Megatron in this continuity? Maybe “The Dead Universe” thing or whatever they call it is an alternate reality. I’m quite sure that’s what it is.
SOUNDWAVE!!!!
Issue 24
So Megatron was comatose? Hmm…
The Lost Light is FIFTEEN MILES LONG AND TEN MILES WIDE. Woah. I mean yeah Transformers are big but even considering that it’s still HUGE.
Frenzy is dead :(
Shockwave is as emotionless and intriguing as ever.
Maybe I’d know already if I’d read some of the issues prior to MTMTE, but it’s interesting that Shockwave has rebuilt Megatron before. I wonder how and why he did so.
Issue 25
I wonder if Slug’s old name has an in-universe explanation for being offensive other than the human word. I know it’s a small throwaway joke but still.
Orion rejects being a Prime because of all the horrible things the primes before him have done? Makes sense honestly. Might also explain why Hot Rod isn’t a prime. Doesn’t explain why the Matrix is broken.
Why does Bumblebee have a blue head?
Issue 27
So now it’s confirmed. Fembots are not a commonly known concept.
Thank god for Alex Milne coming back to spruce up Megatron’s design. It was a bit too simple in the last issue in my opinion.
Issue 27 of RID
Decided to read this to get the exact backround on how Megatron joined the autobots since that’s kind of glossed over at the beginning of issue 27 of MTMTE
The Finale of Dark Cybertron
The scene where Megatron says he will become an autobot and he and Optimus remind Shockwave of who he used to be is so so good.
Issue 28 of RID
6 whole months later???
Thundercracker’s screenplay is hilarious. Also why does he have a dog?
Optimus understand why Megatron does what he does.
“…THAT I will fight forever. Logic be damned.”
Megatron was put on trial. Interesting. I wonder how huge a sentence towards a bot with countless warcrimes would be.
I do understand Prowl’s disgust towards Megatron. I also understand that everyone has the right to a fair trial and that Megatron did invaluable contributions to saving the universe. Glad to see Starscream being devious as always. I can’t believe that Optimus allows him to keep ruling Cybertron. I suppose it’s just to appease him even momentarily so he keeps out of trouble… Also the fact that he’ll be inside Metroplex who can keep him in check.
I suppose the trial is what has been going on for the past 6 months.
Aaaand they’re back on earth
Issue 28 (back to MTMTE)
Megatron is getting a therapist? I love this so much. Rung I wish you the best of luck.
“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; Nothing is more difficult than to understand him.”
It’s a miracle that Megatron is still alive. I guess that millions of years of war and that recent “Shockwave tries to turn the universe into one singularity” incident will do that to ya’.
A fusion cannon really is just a fusion cannon.
RAVAGE YOU RASCAL. GET OUTTA HERE
I can’t get over the fact that robot freud is a thing in this universe hahaha
Wait MEGATRON was the one who asked to see Rung?
I know Megatron has done such horrible things but I can’t help but deeply empathise with him. I would not want anyone touching my brain. And for him, after all those years of being an awful physical presence, I understand why you would guard the only thing left that can remind you of what you once were.
This obviously makes sense since he’s seen and done 100 times worse, but I like how he doesn’t snap back at people when they insult him. It’s only when he feels actually threatened that he lashes out, and insulting his character is not going to do that.
Being filled with internal wormholes sound quite frankly terrifying. Also the part about Whirl being one of Megatron’s inspirations is very intriguing.
Megatron, that graffiti is the LEAST of your worries.
“It’s like he’s expecting to be provoked.” Duh. Megatron isn’t stupid and people seeking to provoke him is basically a given at this point.
Again, not ignoring Megatron’s extremely violent actions, but it’s harrowing to think about how it’d be to look back on your life and realise that it is completely unsalvageable. To his victims, of which there are innumerous, him deciding to start over seems ignorant and awful, but that’s the only way to move on without killing him or imprisoning him forever, effectively locking him in time.
4.6 BILLION Cybertronians killed as a result of his worst offences alone. Huge number in general, but especially so for a species where individuals have a potential lifespan in the MILLIONS of years.
In addition to that, he’s responsible for the deaths of 100 BILLION life forms.
Issue 29
I love seeing Megatron and Tailgate on the cover.
Yeah why does Megatron have so much freedom despite this being after the trial?
Imagine Tailgate waking up to supervillain #1 giving out orders all of a sudden.
Megatron as someone who simply survives is very fascinating and makes a lot of sense. He’s a byproduct of the twisted society he was in and while I don’t believe Starscream completely, I see how they at least at some points were a disjointed pack of insane tyrants and misguided revolutionaries shooting on several fronts.
MEGATRON YOU CAN’T JUST UN-GUILTY YOURSELF. NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU.
Finally. The law technicality that let Megatron set out on perhaps his last adventure.
He accepts that he has to die, but he will try to make amends before it comes to that.
Issue 32
Megatron’s crime is so immense that it’s hard to picture it and therefore judge him.
TARN IS BACK. Well it was just a matter of time. I’m kinda surprised it took this long.
REWIND!!!
Issue 33
So it DIDN’T take that long for the D.J.D. to come. They just attacked the other one.
Megatron the selfish speciesist bastard. Being kind to others CAME WITH YOUR BADGE.
"Reformed" genocidal maniac turns out to not be perfectly changed after all, despite his own claims. More at 11.
Did not expect that Brainstorm was a traitor but it also doesn’t seem too unreasonable now that I think about it.
Rewind AND Megatron in the same panels working together? Yayyy :)
REWIND IS BACK FOR REAL? I hope so! I really hope so!
Issue 34
Megatron looks wayy different in this Roll Call. I am quite sure we’ll get to read his backstory now, or at least know more about it. Anything else doesn’t make much sense.
FROID HIMSELF? THIS IS HILARIOUS. What’s not so hilarious is what happens when you force a mining bot out of his only purpose in life just so you can automate it.
Constant stream of thoughts working and toiling endlessly.
Is his illness critical thought or something? Why is Roid here?
I know this is robot philosophy and politics but I find it very profound nonetheless. Megatron certainly was thinking ahead, but the dark and decrepit urge to destroy and execute in the name of perfect harmony took hold and we are left with the Megatron we now know.
Being one accident away from losing your ability to work and even death even though you could have been helped if it wasn’t for the cost is certainly something some people know all too well. At least in some parts of the world.
“You cannot put a price on life” he says, unknowing he will be the death of billions of lives.
Issue 35
As someone who cares about archival AND Rewind’s well-being this is very concerning. Not only is the information inaccurate, Rewind is either from a completely different reality or his mind is playing awful tricks on him.
Yeah Brainstorm definitely caused this… Or maybe not… Hmm…
Christ that is horrifying. Somehow made Empurata even worse.
Issue 36
There’s something dreadfully sad about the talk past Orion and Megatron have with each other… and yet there is still an air of hope behind it, at least from Orion. This must be so surreal for Megatron.
Issue 38
This is so extremely wild. I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. Will Megatron survive? If he does, will he even count as Megatron? Will the one we know now in the future even exist at all?
I understand why Rewind made that decision. Their society is awful and hellish from then on, but the rest of the universe is spared.
I am mentally preparing myself for Megatron’s death now. Better start early even if it doesn’t happen now, because we all know the Knights were going to sentence him to death.
All of this time travel is such a mindfuck. It’s really great honestly.
If all of this was supposed to happen with the sparkfield and the bar brawl, was Megatron supposed to be shot? Has the Megatron we know been a hybrid all along?
Issue 39
Tarn is back. That is all.
Since the D.J.D. wouldn’t exist at all if Megatron stopped having ever existed, it’s pretty safe to say that he’ll be around for at least a little longer.
Megatron is at least 90% of Tarn’s personality. Still, I am unsure if he will even be slightly tempted to stop given what he’s seen now. He may just be too lost in the Decepticon sauce to crawl out of it.
Megatron wanted to fight against opression and lead a succesful revolution only to immediately be a massive racist willing to pick off any non-mechanical life form in the universe simply because they were theoretical threats to Cybertronians. Wow.
Ah so the D.J.D. could be described as extreme Cybertronian nationalists who believe in peace through tyranny. Good to have that in mind.
Honestly what I expected. Despite his depression, after all, Tarn is the personificafion of the worst atrocities the Decepticon cause. Of course he will never stop.
Aaaaand now the D.J.D. is on the Lost Light’s collective asses yet again. Great.
Issue 40
Ten as a nonverbal autistic person? I am not one, but quite a few traits are present. Also Ultra Magnus and Ten representing two autistic people with different support levels and abilities makes sense. Them connecting over their shared alienation from the rest of the crew is incredibly heartwarming to me. I mean they shouldn’t have issues with that in the first place. At least they have each other.
You have every right to not listen to Megatron’s poetry but don’t diss the art form :(
Ooooh Megatron time travel ploy? Maybe…?
Issue 41
Okay why do they keep citing Robot Freud when he was a god damn functionist willing to silence anyone who didn’t serve the cause. I mean at least the real freud just had some odd theories, he didn’t lobotomise those he disliked…. At least I think so? Hold up I gotta do some research.
Okay so it seems that real life Freud at least wasn’t an active advocate for it. In fact, some of the most vehement supporters of lobotomies did so in protest of Freud’s psychoanalysis.
IS SWERVE WATCHING DOCTOR WHO? HUH
Honestly I gotta start using “I’m not sulking I’m taking stock” as an excuse.
Is amica endura the same as cojunx endura?
Issue 42
The idea of a pre-wake is something I have definitely thought of before. Why not celebrate someone’s life? Even better, why not celebrate it while they’re still here?
“The Power of Love” starts playing and suddenly Cyclonus wants to dance with Tailgate… Hmm…
Embracing his old cranky heart :)
It’s hilarious that Tumblr is still very much useful for this despite what the general public may think. Tumblr is not dead and neither is TFWiki. Thank goodness.
Also why is Tailgate a child here? He’s just short in canon. He is genuinely ancient.
I do appreciate how the Cybertronians give zero fucks about gender when choosing holograms. It’s not like it makes much of a difference to them.
I KNEW that the Lost Light seemed ridiculously large even when you take the size of Cybertronians into consideration. It’s not half the size of New York (which is unfathomably large to me already) NEW YORK is half the size of the Lost Light.
Rodimus and Nautica look exactly how I expected.
Yeah okay I can see Megatron kind of looking like that. I feel like something is missing to his design, though. I suppose that his hair just doesn’t fit him to me. I’m a sucker for humanformers designs that emulate the buckethead by giving him midlength hair. Too messy to be a bob but just something to frame his face. Like uh… maybe Hank from Detroit Become Human? At first I thought this would work for Megs in MTMTE but surprisingly enough I’m warming up to this.
Issue 44
Oohhhh Megatron loves those detours.
Rewind and Chromedome are so sweet together.
This is genuinely beautiful and harrowing. I’m speechless. Any and all words I add beyond this are redundant. Go read this comic. I don’t care how much you have been spoiled it is 100% worth it regardless. I am so thankful that something so profound exists. I should sit down and think more about this. I think that is the right thing to do.
What has made Megatron so insistant on redemption? I know the answer in broad terms. To rephrase; how did Megatron view these murders during the war? Was he a crazed lunatic who derived pleasure in the deaths of his enemies? Was he a fool hoping that peace through tyranny is truly possible? Was he heavily dissociated and disconnected in an attempt to keep away from the responsibility of his actions?
I believe that all three are true. I believe that these three points in no way summarise all the ways he has felt. That is impossible to summarise.
All I know is that a Megatron who has defected and is trying to redeem himself, whether that be for selfish or selfless reasons, has to have been all of these at one point or another:
- The revolutionary who saved his race from a dystopian classist hellscape.
- The one who slaughtered billions.
- The disillusioned and detached leader.
The war raged on for millions of years, after all.
Issue 45
On a lighter note, I love these guys going on adventures. Wonder how they made it to a real patch of grass.
…They had me for a second there. This is oddly wholesome.
Issue 47
Triangle… Maybe Tumblr has poisoned my brain but uh… Love triangle?? Maybe…?
Okay yeah Cyclonus is definitely jealous of Getaway. He wants Tailgate back in his quarters whether he will admit it or not.
I WAS RIGHT. I mean Getaway and Tailgate don’t seem to be that close? I hope that if Tailgate ends up with someone, it’s Cyclonus.
STOP GROOMING TAILGATE. THAT IS SICK.
SHADOWPLAY? You’re sending Tailgate to LOBOTOMISE MEGATRON??? There is no chance in hell this will work out fine.
This is so dreadfully sad. They didn’t even get to get married.
Issue 48
CYCLONUS SURVIVED THAT? HUH? What is he made of???
I rarely ever cry. Especially with fictional stories. I was on the brink of tears and now they are both alive??
I am very happy. Just uh wow that was a lot.
I am glad they were actually punished but uh yeah that is extremely unethical. It truly is astounding what Rodimus gets away with.
I hate Froid so much. I hate him with all my heart.
Pig pen script!
It seems like complete gibberish.
Yeah it was.
Issue 49
I just realised that I’m almost done. Oh god. I’m not ready! Please don’t end just yet!
Yeah I have no clue what is going on with Tailgate. He is just built different, I guess.
I think that Megatron has chosen a very sensible approach. The last thing he or the world needs is more violence.
Even if hell doesn’t exist I am sure that Tarn would make it his personal mission to create it. I’d go as far as to argue that he has created several hells on dozens of occasions.
Issue 50
Megatron is a teacher now? Or perhaps a speaker of some sort? I guess it can make sense, but I don’t think he’ll ever be permitted to teach war history unsupervised.
That symbol was in Grimlock’s room in the Scavengers’ ship.
I wonder what triggered Megatron. I also wonder what the Knights’ verdict will be, if we ever get to see them.
I have a few ideas:
- Megatron is sentenced to death
- Megatron is allowed to live
- They never find the knights and Megatron has to continue living with his guilt as usual
Well if the special energon doesn’t just inhibit his strength but also manages his anger, then that poses some interesting questions.
Is he the same person off the medicine? Is he just a stronger and angrier version of himself? I suppose it was his anger that he channeled into his writing and the resulting revolution, but it never abated. Is his body able to handle this energon for extended periods of time?
Imagine, he misses his dose of fool’s energon one time and he’s still able to leave dents in his head from squeezing it. I suppose he’s likely capable of doing that regardless.
Glad to see him happy.
As strange as that sounds. Former (??) genocidal maniac, and all that.
Issue 51
Why are they in Megatron’s flower field of murders?
They shot the necrobot? That’s quite sad.
Being stuck so close to Tarn with practically nowhere to hide is a horrifying thought. I’m sure Tarn has lots of torture methods he is itching to try, especially for Megatron.
Wow. All of those messages from various readers are incredibly lovely to hear and they’re all true. This series is so multifaceted, so well-crafted and has so much heart. This is genuinely one of the greatest pieces of art I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I have no more words to say about that.
About Megatron, it makes sense for him to face the terror that still roams this universe because of his mistakes. It’s high time he faces the D.J.D. and I personally hope he makes it out alive. But here he is weakened, he is running on fool’s energon after all, so how will he beat the odds?
This story is nearly wrapping up. We’re so close. This is strangely difficult to bear. I suppose that such a grandeous end as this is a good way to enter the new year.
Y’know… I’ve been going through rather tough times. This is the closest I’ve ever been in a long time to promising myself that I will keep going.
Okay so I lied. One part of these notes is missing; a triumphant declaration of will to live I wrote down for myself on the 30th of December. At this point while reading, MTMTE sparked something within me. I felt genuinely motivated to live for the first time in ages, and it took me out of a pretty dark place for at least a few weeks. I still had some extremely low lows in the months after, but reading MTMTE genuinely helped me tremendously, as silly as it may sound. I'm so glad I wrote down my feelings then. Sometimes when I'm feeling down, I re-read it to re-experience even a sliver of the tremendous hope I felt while writing it. It's very grounding. Still, I'm not exactly ready or willing yet to fully open up about that, and especially not on the open internet for everyone with the link to see.
I share character breakdowns here, not personal ones.
Issue 52
I feel changed.
Dragged out of the darkness.
Let’s go back to MTMTE.
Wait there are 57 issues? I remembered there being 53. The adventure is still close to being over and I’ll likely finish it today but I’m surprised.
“I know that not long ago, someone tried to kill me before I was born. And I know that I hated them less for their ambition than their failure to realise it.”
This was a hard line to read after just having declared... well what I just declared. I suppose that's why I included it here.
Y’know I think that there’s an interesting philosophical discussion to be had about Megatron’s change of personality and how it’s possibly being linked to his use of fool’s energon. On one hand he prefers how he is now and feels that he is more grounded and even more like he used to be in his youth before the war. On the other hand, if it’s true that the fool’s energon did this, the old Megatron is dead and I am not so sure he would have wanted to be on this diet.
Issue 53
I honestly don’t think that Megatron is scared that often. At least not in this way, if you get what I’m trying to say here. I do think he’s afraid of the D.J.D. and what will happen to the crew but I also think that he fears himself in a way. He doesn’t want to start fighting again. What if he never stops?
HELL YEAH I WAS RIGHT. I MEAN THIS IS HORRIBLE FOR MEGATRON, NOT KNOWING IF HE CAN TRUST HIMSELF BUT I’M GLAD THAT MY MEDIA LITERACY IS STILL INTACT.
CAN YOU TELL I’M WRITING MY THOUGHTS AND REACTIONS DOWN LIVE?
HOLY FUCK THIS IS EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER HOPED FOR. I HAD HOPED THAT IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF MEGATRON’S OWN MOTIVATION. I BELIEVED IN HIM. I AM SO GIDDY AND HAPPY RIGHT NOW IT’S RIDICULOUS. HOLY FUCK I LOVE THIS SERIES SO MUCH I CAN’T STOP SMILING.
GO KICK TARN’S ASS!
HOLY FUCK HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING. THIS IS AWESOME. OH HELL YEAH!
No no no no no no no no no NO NO NO! It can’t end like this! Please!
Issue 54
So they’re not mad because a Mass Murderer hasn’t been executed, they’re mad because he changed his ways and stopped being extremely racist. I mean ideally they should be happy that the main face behind technoism is saving organic life but they don’t want to make it obvious that they are incompetent at their jobs.
Clever. Make yourself so pathetic to them that they seem dumb for still spending energy on trying to kill him.
HE REALLY WAS TAKING STOCK ALL THIS TIME.
This is so badass.
Glitch? I’m a little bad with Cybertronian names but I’m convinced that I’ve heard that name before.
NOOOO SOUNDWAVE COULD SENSE HIM DIE. Farewell Ravage :(
HOW IS TERMINUS HERE? I’m so happy that they’re together I’m so happy I’m so happy.
Issue 57
So I suppose this is end of the line for MTMTE. I wonder if Megatron is in the sequel series Lost Light? (Pretty sure that’s the one directly after MTMTE)
Maybe I’m just dumb but uh… I feel like if they found Cyberutopia I would have known. Are they talking about the center of the Necrobot’s planet being the mold for Cybertron? What about the knights? Hmm…
I personally hope that they don’t exist. I feel that it makes for a more compelling story.
Now, I will have to admit some things. I know that I latched onto Megatron from the very beginning. I know that I am empathising with him quite a bit too much. I know that I would definitely feel differently about him if I had read all of the previous IDW issues. I will definitely do that now. And then, I will re-read MTMTE with that Megatron in mind.
I always knew that there is no chance in hell that he will ever make up for the billions of lives he took from this world. It is his belief in bettering himself, his at times selfish motivation for bettering himself yet acceptance of his eventual death that makes him so compelling to me.
I do not believe in describing people as monsters. It makes us forget that all of us have the potential to do truly horrible things. That is why I won’t say that Megatron is a “bad person”. He is also not a “good person”. I can’t help but focus on the vaguely flawed parts of Megatron I see in MTMTE instead of the full grotesquely evil picture. That is in my nature.
I will do my best to see that picture. I’ll read the rest of the comics. I know I’m not gonna burn through them like I did here with MTMTE. That is fine. I know that Megatron is deeply flawed and those flaws will become more and more visible as I go on. That is natural.
I suppose that it lies in the name; “Redemption Arc.”
The point is not to redeem him. That was never the point and he knows as well as the others that all he can do is atone.
I understand where people are coming from with their dislike of this arc. The Megatron we see here is, at least on the surface, very unlike the one earlier in IDW.
I feel that this Megatron is fooling himself to survive. He’s doing good things in the process, yes, but he can’t run from the past forever and he knows it. He is on a ticking clock. I’m like 95% sure that I’ve heard somewhere that he dies in the end and y’know what? I’m not annoyed. I would be annoyed if it did not end that way. The guilt eats away at him every single day and as long as he maintains his newfound conscience that will never ever stop. Even so, that horrible feeling does not amount to even a drop in the oceans upon oceans of anguish, pain and death he has caused.
When I see Megatron’s story as tragic, it’s not as in Megatron is a sad man who just needs a little understanding. It’s tragic that the war started. It’s tragic that while he’s the reason why their planet isn’t a functionalist dystopia, the rest of the universe paid the price of his anger. It’s tragic that no matter what he does he can never truly atone. The guilt will always crush him and choke him alive, though never quite kill him.
I also understand why people get pissed off when a fandom mangles a character into something they truly are not. Megatron is a horrifying warmongerer. He isn’t just a sad misunderstood old man. That is simply not how Megatron works. Megatron is self-righteous and quite the asshole even here. He’s trying to do some good with it here and I admire that. Even so, his disliked traits in MTMTE are nothing compared to what he once was, so I understand why some people get annoyed when his dislikeability is scraped off by the fandom.
Came back on the 9th of January to reflect back on something that very likely contributed to the positive realization I had around issue 51.
In issue 32 Megatron and Ravage reflect on Megatron’s legacy. He speaks of his former self.
"I came to hate the person I'd become."
While I am very different from Megatron, I have often thought of myself as a monster. Sometimes I still do. Usually because I feel, or at least felt like, that no matter what I do I will eventually be so irritating and disturbing that the world is better off without me. That whenever I feel more comfortable I will make stupid mistakes that only worsen the conflicts I’ve already started. And it didn’t matter to me that my actions were accidental. Nobody cares about that, or at least I didn’t think so.
And so I made myself pay by incessantly shaming myself. Giving myself the treatment that I felt my surroundings should be enacting. I listened to the voice of my tormentors and when they eventually weren’t around I picked up where they left off. For the sake of “keeping myself in check.”
When I saw this next quote, I felt a weak spark of recognition, but I let it run in the backround as usual.
“If the world thinks of you as a monster, what does it matter? The world is wrong. But when you start to think of YOURSELF as a monster. . .”
...you either become it or embody punishment for a version of yourself which may not exist anymore, or ever have existed. When you do the former, you lose yourself to anger and cruelty. When you do the latter, you might just lose yourself to shame and repression.
There are numerous ways to interpret this quote.
Out of the comic’s context, it reminds me of part of the realization I had in Issue 51.
That even if I am a terribly awful person, I can’t expect to improve upon that if I keep punishing myself.
That perhaps the world is wrong, and the mistake I made is looking at myself and deciding to embrace it. The resulting stress makes me more disagreeable, and so for a long time I’ve figured that was simply proof of my monstrousness.
I had the philosophy that everyone deserves new chances, that no one should be described as a monster because it ignores the nuances of good and evil and is ultimately dehumanising.
Like my other philisophies, I could not apply it to myself.
I hope I'll finally just let myself live my life someday. Only thing I can do is keep working at it.
I couldn’t just ignore what the world was saying, because it was describing almost exactly how I saw myself, and that felt just in a way. It was an affirmation of my deep shame.
I knew all the points and the arguments and still I could never embrace it. I think that was my biggest problem. I saw praise as something accidentally sent my way. Something that one day, inevitably, would be retracted when they truly realised what a monster I was.
The past tense here was optimistic, but I did know deep down that I'd probably fall down into the pit of despair again. Re-reading these notes is like holding up a mirror, reflecting back into my soul again and again until, hopefully, it reverberates into whatever chamber of my psyche that won't let myself move on.
But somehow, somehow MTMTE broke through all of that. Several pieces of media have shown versions of myself, of struggles I’ve had, but none had presented direct counter-arguments and a tangible framework to understand the complex nature of penance, shame, responsibility, forgiveness and acceptance.
I think that is it, honestly.
I suppose I’ll just have to keep reading. On to Lost Light!
Thanks for coming along on this trip with me on the Lost Light
I love this comic so, so much. I hope that the rumors are true and that Skybound will re-release MTMTE. It would be a very smart move from them financially. It's extremely popular to this day, but relies on piracy websites to be even remotely accesible.
If you know me IRL, or are just concerned by some of my writings in here, I'm glad you're here. If you relate, I hope you make it out of it and keep allowing yourself to feel relaxed and at peace. I promise it's okay.
I suppose there's no harm in opening up online, anyway. I made this website to be more open with people I know, and I suppose this is a part of that.